Dealing with Jealousy
Individual Exercise 4 - Strategies for Fullfillment of Needs
Working with jealousy often involves strengthening your sense of self-worth and creating a fulfilling life independent of your relationships. Jealousy can stem from feeling that you or your life lack importance or meaning, so building confidence and purpose is a gradual but transformative process. Easy to say - hard to do. Jealousy can also arise when your basic needs are unmet. Reflecting on how you can work to meet these needs in your own life—rather than relying on your partner or relationship—can be a real benefit.
We have three exercises that can help you understand yourself - this is the third one:
Strategies for Fulfillment of Needs
This exercise is inspired by ideas from non-violent communication.
Difficult emotions often arise when our needs are unmet. Many people expect their partner(s) to fulfill these needs, but ultimately, that responsibility lies with you. Identifying your needs is the first step. Relying on one person to meet all your needs can make you vulnerable. If one strategy fails, you may feel stuck. Creating multiple strategies and involving various sources increases the likelihood of your needs being met. It’s important to remember that your needs are not someone else’s responsibility. Others may help, but you shouldn’t expect or demand it.
Step 1: Reflect on scenarios
Think about times when you felt very satisfied or deeply frustrated. Write down at least three examples for each. For each scenario, answer:
What was happening?
How did I feel?
What specific need do I think was being met or unmet?
Step 2: Needs categorization
Categorize your examples using the list below. Add any needs you feel are missing.
Common Needs List:
Physical Needs: Safety, shelter, food, rest, movement
Emotional Needs: Love, security, understanding, validation, acceptance
Social Needs: Belonging, connection, community, recognition
Autonomy Needs: Freedom, independence, choice
Growth Needs: Learning, creativity, meaning, purpose
